"Be still and know that I am God." --Holy Bible

FairWell

04/26/2011

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It’s a bitter sweet fairwell to all the beautiful memories that have dwelled so peacefully in this besoddened mind (I love you mind, there’s a place for everything).  Goodbye, these scenes of childhood endeavors playing blithely through the twisty cogs.  Goodbye the saddened feeling of helplessness seeded and nourished with tears and blood.  Goodbye stagnation and don’t know, can’t do’s.   Goodbye to all of you.  And hello, hello, hello lightning, thunder, torrents of warm rain.  Hello tingling aliveness.  Hello, warm tea and a smile inside.   Hello appreciation and creation.  Hello divine Sister and divine Brother.   Hello inner voice that sings so softly. 

It’s all about appearances, until you get inside yourself and then it’s all about truthfulness and uncovering, revealing, seeing everything, acknowledging what you’d been carrying hidden and letting it go.    It becomes all about letting go.  And eternity of letting go of things, attachment to emotions, drama, punishment, reward…It all gets let go.  The last it seems is seeming apathy; a personality trait picked up at teen years.  It pretends to persist, resist and yet it’s just a memory of a fast fading façade.  Here I am.  I love this mind, body, soul, family, planet, universe, existence.   And I live to breathe in the blessed air, to dance in the pouring rain, to bathe in the streams of sunshine, to rest in the arms of Earth. 

 
 
The left of the right, the dark of the light is something that is discredited, disregarded as dirty, evil, just plain old “bad”.   And what makes it bad?  What is the meaning of its seeming degradation?  We do not understand it.  It is the eternal mystery, the nonexistent, unknowingness, deep, dark, sub-consciousness.   

The common man is drawn to what is bright, what is shining in front of him in a vision of gold richness, comfort, and promise of concrete achievement and fame.   He strives for greatness in many avenues.  To have the highest job, the prettiest wife, the most handsome husband, the most intelligent and obedient children, the flashiest car, the fattest wallet that he can possibly get is the ultimate goal.  And what then?  There is not a though of the “and what then?” in the mind of this man.

When we are quiet, when the body ceases to move and one focuses on what lies beyond the mind then the darkness, the tangled mass of our subconscious begins to arise.  At first it is hard to look at and acknowledge, for all the ugliness that we have imagined and then stuffed down into the bowels of our being is now coming up into the light.  It might bring disgust, self pity, self judgment, anger.   There is no helpfulness in dismaying over what is coming to light, it only succeeds in further suppressing what can so easily be released once it is fully accepted and known.  There may come a time when it seems like all that is within is self-hatred, bitterness, grief, envy, woundedness.  And this leads to the bleeding out.   Let yourself ooze. 

Through this purging comes understanding.  We are not this image that has been held so long inside of our being.  We are not anything that anyone else has said about us.  Our truth, our way, our path, our rhythm, is completely unique to the one that has been presented to us by all the role models we have ever learned to imitate.  

When we have dove into the blackness of unknowing and found that all we had heard and feared about it is based on lies, then we are free to see for ourselves what is truly there in the depths of our being.  What has lain there in the core of yourself so long that you did not even know existed? What has spoken so quietly, tapped you on the shoulder so softly, nudged you so subtly, that you did not realized it was there until you really stopped and took at good hard look? Could it be all that you had ever searched for?  Could it be the perfect solution to all your so-called problems?  Could it be that inner bliss that is so lusted after by the mind? 

Deep inside you will find your true home, the heart of your entire being.  From here speak out your truth and become aware of the truths of all your brothers and sisters.   Here you can know that you are whole, you are al-one, only because we are all one.  Here you can accept all that you are.  Here you can rest in the eternal light of source.  Om.


 

Love.